“We never thought it would go that big,” Mark Hudson tells The Athletic, sitting with a cup of tea at a table that means a lot.
It’s where his family were gathered when he told his kids he had got the Cardiff assistant manager’s job in November 2021. The reaction, captured in a two-part video that went viral, was one of excitement.
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“You waited so long, I knew you’d get it, you’re a legend,” said eldest son Ollie as he gave his dad a hug.
That was the high. But then the low arrived 14 months on when Hudson, who had been promoted to manager, had to tell them he had been sacked.
“That’s football,” says Hudson in the second part of the video as he embraces Ollie and his younger son Leo. The video, posted on wife Marie-Louise’s Instagram account (ML as Hudson calls her) has been watched over three million times.
“ML asked about putting the video out and worried whether it was the right thing, and I said, ‘Why not?’,” Hudson explains. “This is what goes on. Why are we going to hide that and only show the best bits, like getting the job? It’s the realism of the industry we’re in and the family life that goes alongside.”
There’s some background to the video that helps understand Hudson and his family a little more.
Cardiff means a lot to all of them. Hudson was captain at the club during his playing days, about a decade ago. It is the city where Ollie and Leo (who have a younger sister, Kiki) were born. Their godparents and friends live there. “I was going back, but there was also a feeling that we, as a family, may be going back together too,” he explains.
The timing of being hired wasn’t ideal though. The family were sitting around the table having a Chinese takeaway on the first day in their new house in Cheshire.
“There were boxes everywhere and I’d got the phone call to say I’d got the job,” says Hudson. “The next day I’m going through boxes of my stuff, having to say goodbye, leaving three kids with their mum. ML loves Cardiff, and there’s always been a part of her that would like to move back because it felt like home.”
Under the original Instagram post, Marie-Louise said Cardiff was a place “that gave us peace after tragedy” — a reference to her sister Kat’s suicide in 2009, which coincided with Hudson signing for Cardiff the first time around.
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“When I joined as a player, we went from London to Cardiff to meet David Jones (manager) and Peter Ridsdale (chairman),” says Hudson, who was at Charlton at the time. “We came back late that evening, then in the morning ML’s mum called and told her her sister had died.
“That was the day that we were going to drive back to complete the move. Once we’d eventually arrived, ML barely left the hotel for the first six weeks.
“We’re a family that has gone through suicide; we don’t hide from that. Our family and friends know that we’re still living with that 13 years on.”
Hudson heading back to the Welsh capital as a coach in 2021 brought back memories of that difficult time.
The tragedy helps guide how his family are: honest, open and willing to talk about and share their feelings. They support mental health charities, such as Mind and Go Again, and, on social media, that means providing reality.
“I think people appreciate that we show everything,” Marie-Louise tells The Athletic. “It’s not filtered, it’s the highs and the lows. For people, especially mental-health-wise, when it’s only one view it makes them aspire to have that perfect filtered life. It’s important to show both sides, and so many people have responded by saying, ‘I’ve never really thought about this’.”
Before Marie-Louise’s clip went online, the very nature of the internet and social media was one of the drivers behind Hudson’s decision to break the bad news to his children himself.
“I was emotionally exhausted — Wigan had scored an equaliser in the 96th minute (in his last match in charge),” he says. “I’d been told not to go before seeing the board so I read the situation.
“I’d then held my emotions speaking to my staff, but nothing stays in the darkness for too long. I wanted to tell the kids first when we got back to the apartment in Cardiff before they found out from somewhere else. Ollie’s got his phone and could have easily picked that up or by his mate sending him a message. That would be confusing, and he would wonder why I hadn’t told him.
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“They both came over and gave me a hug. We’re quite an affectionate family, so I always hug and kiss my kids when I drop them off at school every day, which I’m big on.
“It hit Leo more, and Ollie asked more questions. Leo said, ‘What are we going to do for money?’ The main thing I wanted is to be able to answer their questions.”
Hudson didn’t know either part of the video was being filmed at the time and it wasn’t his motivation.
From left to right: Leo, Kiki, Mark, Ollie and Marie-Louise (Photo: Adam Leventhal)“I’m proud that I did that for them and was open with them, however emotional I was that night,” he says. “They’ll have to see that again, in a good and bad way. At some point, that’s going to happen again.”
Hudson, 40, thinks the experience will hold him in good stead as he continues his career, and he believes his approach to management mirrors how he is as a father.
“I am emotional but I’m in control,” he says. “Do I want my kids to see me shouting and bawling every day? No, absolutely not. Do I want the players to see me do that? No, because I don’t want them to think that’s right. You don’t want to be known for that. That’s how I coach and parent, it’s very similar.
“My kids don’t respond to that (shouting and screaming) and as coaches to players, we’re much older. So why would shouting at them make them play or feel better? You have to think about their upbringings too, and whether that causes any triggers.”
At home, Hudson says he is conscious of being “present” when spending time with his kids, so he tries to put the phone away as much as possible.
“When players need help and support, that’s exactly the same,” he adds. “They need time, one on ones, (and to) see you’re emotionally invested and have got their back if they fall, have an accident or make a mistake on the field. They don’t want to be running in fear. I don’t want that for my players or my kids.”
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What he wants next is to build towards his next opportunity. “Waking up three days after leaving Cardiff, I wanted to be back. Whether that’s as a coach in a unit, head coach or manager. There are so many different ways of doing it that I find fascinating.
“I’m always reflecting and evaluating, whether writing things down or not. I’ve got a very active brain. I’m constantly thinking about what’s next and I quite like looking at other people and how they do things.”
Within a month, he visited Rangers to watch manager Michael Beale’s methods, and the social video came up too.
“Connor Goldson (of Rangers) said he’d found it a real eye-opener,” says Hudson, “which makes us proud that we’ve shone a light on it. At their game against Livingston, a fan also came up to me in the car park to talk about it.
“People have said come and visit here, there and everywhere, others saying, ‘I want to pick your brains’ and coaches running ideas past me. It makes you proud. It means I’m obviously doing something right.”
Hudson is open-minded about where that next step comes from. “Could we go on an adventure together as a family? Yes, absolutely. If that was abroad, at the top or the bottom of the country, they would all jump at it. It’s never a ‘No’, it’s always ‘Where?’ That’s part of us as a family.”
And it would probably mean a return to the kitchen table.
“We’d sit down and talk it through,” he says. “I love the game that much; we’ll work it out and do it together.
“When you win or lose, you turn around and see them standing there waving and blowing a kiss. So there’s a real emotional part to it, a vault of emotions.”
(Top photo by Adam Leventhal)
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